vandalswithjetpacks: The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
egg-rolls: i just remembered something i did when i was 13 now my day is ruined
canadianslut: I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this
One day your heart will take you to your lover. One day your soul will carry you...– Rumi (via 69honeybeez)
I am always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to somebody I’m not at all glad I met....– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (via blua)
I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good ol’ days before you actually...– Andy Bernard (via venetians)
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
epiicer: If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife